1. Academy, n. A modern school where football is taught.
2. Achievement, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
3. Alone, adj. In bad company.
4. Beauty, n. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a
husband.
5. Behavior, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding.
6. Brain, n. An apparatus with which we think what we think. That which
distinguishes the man who is content to be something from the man who wishes to
does something.
7. Cabbage, n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise
as a man’s head.
8. Cat, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be
kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
9. Childhood, n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of
infancy and the folly of youth—two removes from the sin of manhood and three
from the remorse of age.
10. Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to
see men and women and children acting the fool.
11. Congratulation, n. The civility of envy.
12. Dentist, n. A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth pulls
coins out of your pocket.
13. Destiny, n. A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for
failure
14. Edible, n. Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad,
a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.
15. Envelope, n. The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the husk
of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter.
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